Pithaly

u gott a point there
I dont mind being immature though

immature guys have more funn

I typed Pithaly and hit I am feeling lucky to find u

K has come a long way
she now caters to prurient interest too

I dont no for sure what that means
she learnt from me

now nobody visits me

...

ONE of the easiest ways to heckle or ignite an NRI, I found was to ask in the midst of a genial conversation, “Wash or wipe?”

The context is unmistakable and the question goes home immediately. We all know that paper or water in the toilet is no yardstick to measure the degree of patriotism but it very well could be going by my NRI friends’ discomfiture.

Looks like the conversion to a western way of life tentatively begins with the unruly Indian tongue massaging its “r”s into doughy “zh”s and definitively ends with the bottom demanding paper over water.

And between the tongue and the bottom, between wash and wipe, lies a long-drawn process of cultural adjustment and appropriation and a great continental shift in world view.

Starting with better adjusted candidates — Vinu Warrier from Canada insisted that the “wash or wipe dilemma was the most under-mentioned problem of diaspora”.

He asserts his dual citizenship by always wiping with paper first and later washing in the tub. (Thanks for telling.

When I visit you I shan’t roll in your tub.) An uncle of mine admitted that he washed in India and wiped in America (that must be one long journey for so poor a cause!).

Sathya in Australia confessed that he wet paper with water and used them as wet wipes (eligible candidate for dual citizenship).

Moving on to difficult customers — Raghavan s(h)itting pretty in Boston delivered a stinging monologue on the state of the Indian loos before condescending to answer the question “Wash or wipe?” “With the western loo,” he boomed, “you have to deal with your own ass being a little less than squeaky clean after a trip.

With the Indian style loo, you are frequently wondering what exactly you are stepping on when you enter.

So, given the choice between having a little of my own produce on my ass and having other people’s produce on my feet (and possibly hands) I choose the former, as any rational human being would. So that resolves it, right?”

Pavithra in London discussing the “yuck factor” of Indian toilets said, “Despite all the newfound economic prosperity we Indians seem quite reluctant to give up our rusty iron bucket in the loo bequeathed to us by our grandmothers.

Also, you are sure that the previous visitor, after finishing his business picked up the bucket with his unwashed hands and put it back in place under the dripping tap. Paper is definitely cleaner, drier and undeniably better,” she concluded.

On her first visit to India, Rumi after just one typical Punjabi meal declared, “Why water? Indians need ice.” When the fire in her tongue (and elsewhere) subsided she couldn’t stop laughing over the all new Indian bathroom contraption.

“The mini shower hose is a riot, an invention to apparently ensure dry bathroom floors. My aunt sort of missed the whole point. She dethroned from the western closet, squatted on the floor and got her aim wrong and ended up spraying her tummy and face before she finally figured it out. Boy! Paper is god sent!”

The “Wash or wipe?” question seems a dipstick study on an NRI’s love or contempt for his country and its way of life.

The toilet paper I am afraid is no ordinary tissue — it is the final cord that permanently binds our brethren to the alien land, a filament that severs the umbilical cord with their homeland, a line that draws our brothers out of the Indian amniotic waters.

Beyond the wash-and-wipe dilemma lies the great NRI toilet dream that my good friend Raghavan dreams for the east and west alike. “Sometimes as I sit on my own humble loo with just a roll of paper on the side, I dream about a day when every loo will spray, dry, powder and fondly pat each ass that comes its way.”

Now we know what lies in the bottom of the Non Resident Indian’s heart or should we say in the heart of the Non Resident Indian’s bottom?

how come K is not here yet?